Well not much really going on here as of late. No new animals or anything. Bella is doing just fine. She finally has gotten confident enough to go up and down our stairs in the back. So she is bounding up and down all the time. She really enjoys going outside and just laying. The bad thing is she will only go downstairs if there is somebody with her. So she will often stay on the deck and walk back inside and just pee. Very aggravating but our fault for not actually walking her downstairs. Her potty training has been going very slowly but I think she is finally getting the hang of it.
Other notes of interest. I have been trying to find a new job. The job I am working now I HATE!! I work all the time. I am on call 24/7 and I never get any home time. And it really doesn’t look like its going to get any better. So I have been looking. With the economy where it is. This sucks. Because NOBODY is hiring. Aside for more tech positions that require either more travel or the same in on call time. And the normal 9-5 positions I guess I am unemployable because I don’t have that degree. Even though I have the certs and I can walk circles around most college kids hardware wise. Software I am not that great with mostly because I don’t have the patience and I have my friend Tony who is amazingly awesome at it. So I usually wait to ask him when I see him. I can listen to a computer that is sick and usually tell you exactly what is wrong and I am right typically about 99% of the time. I have a very mechanical mind. I used to actually be able to map out a processor. As in I could tell you what pins did what and what they were for. Granted this was in the AMD K6 days 1st generation Pentiums and into the second a bit. But I could do it. Cant anymore I have forgotten most of it. I took a long break from break/fix work and switched to Macs so I haven’t kept up. And only recently with building my HTPC and with work have I regained some of my skills back. I was actually very surprised I passed the A+ cert with out studying and passed at almost 98%. I wish I had taken it a long time ago. But oh well.
So here is my long winded dilemma. I have been deciding on going back to school. I cant take classes with the job I have. And I think if I am going to do it. I need to dive right in and do it. Meaning I would do it full time and find a part time job to help with bills. To do this I would need to take student loans out and figure out health insurance for myself and Mary. That is actually the hardest part. As many of you know, Mary has MD or a form of it. So that is a VERY VERY important factor. Which she can go on cobra a for a while. Expensive but temporary solution. Then I can just hope something will present itself. Or forget about school and continue being miserable at a job I loath to ensure my wife stays healthy. Somebody loses and I don’t want it to be her. But I am not sure how much longer I can physically and mentally keep going at the pace I am going.
I have come real close to breaking down a couple of times in that last couple of weeks. And that scares the shit out me. I have NEVER been this emotional in my life. Not even when my grandparents passed. The ultimate loss is losing my marriage. Which in either direction I can see that happening. I don’t know what to do. In order to go anywhere I need to go back to school. I know that has to happen. Thing is. Even if I found a 9-5 and attended nigh school I know I will get frustrated and stop because its not happening fast enough. I know myself well enough to know that if I do it. School needs to be the primary focus for the next few years. While work and myself takes a proverbial back seat. So any work I do would have be very forgiving in my schedule or it would have to be part time. I didn’t I just go to school when I was young and out of high school?
